Updated: Mar 8, 2021
Once upon a time, there was a beautiful little girl who lived in a beautiful kingdom. She had a life the way anyone could dream of. A beautiful room with a big bed, lots of toys, servants so she wouldn’t need to lift a finger. She played and played and played. She even was allowed to have friends come into the castle to play with her. Every and all children were welcomed to visit the princess.
The king and queen didn’t really hold a tight fort. They were too caught up with each other. Yelling and fighting. Screaming at the king’s latest affair with the townswomen. The princess spent a lot of time playing in her room or roaming the castle grounds hiding away from the constant yelling and screaming. As the princess grew older, nothing changed. She learned to hide away from all. She was quick to anger and never really could figure out why. Little things would set her off and she could never fully trust anyone. As she grew older and suitors would come for her hand she was always initially swept off her feet but then would lose interest. She would run around patiently for a few months then slowly find issues. Pulling away and blowing up the relationship in her own way. She thought she would never find a suitor. Then one day he showed up.
The beautiful Prince Charming. He was handsome, confident. He was carrying a gift. One she had never seen and never knew she even needed. He looked into her. He was open. He wanted to know every secret. How she wanted to live her life. Her hopes and dreams. He understood the family dynamic. He got along with her dad. His mom was happy that the princess wouldn’t be falling into the trap of being with a womanizer. A couple of months later after their whirlwind relationship began, they were married on the castle grounds. It was a huge celebration. The entire kingdom was invited and joined the festivities. The party of a lifetime. One that will be remembered for years. After food and drink and sweat lacing their face, the newlyweds went to their suite and whispered sweet nothings in each other’s ears. She’d never felt closer to anyone or happier. Over the next couple of weeks, she noticed a change in her prince. He was no longer as doting as he once was. He was wanting to learn more and more about her, but she noticed that her worst fears were coming true. Her prince was no prince at all.
I’m sure you read that and got to the end and were a little defeated. A little upset. Maybe thinking, fairy tales are supposed to end happily. That one sucked. But who conditioned us to think that all fairy tales of princes and princesses were to end “happily ever after”. Why are we conditioned this way? Maybe because as a society we enjoy constant happiness. Knowing that something will turn out the same, time and time again. A fairy tale has the same cadence of a story, happy, problem, solution, happy again. But where did this bullshit come from? Disney? Old fables? Why is it that women are conditioned to find a mate that will be perfect for her? Relationships are not perfect, but if we don’t talk about what is and is not normal, those lines get blurred. What is a healthy argument vs a manipulative one? What is a red flag and toxic trait vs someone just opening up and letting you know how they feel? What is healthy and ‘normal’? If anything really could be called normal. Check out our question this week to work through why do we stay?